In a process-oriented towards better living, better well-being… There is a key that we don’t necessarily think about: FORGIVENESS. If you are interested in personal development, in the quest for happiness, you can’t miss the notion of gratitude. But, for me, the practice of GIVING THANKS is even more powerful and important than that of gratitude.
What is forgiveness?
. We all have more or less the spirit of contradiction and we approach each concept, idea, through the prism of our beliefs, our education, our perceptions… So, in a biased way!
Forgiveness is a vague word, often tinged with bad memories, connoted with religion, that it is therefore important to clarify
It is not :
Forgetting: when I forgive, I don’t forget the event, it simply becomes neutral. A scar remains, visible, but it does not hurt. Indeed, by forgiving, I allow the suffering, the sufferings, to be detached from the episode.
Caution: I can judge and condemn the act AND choose to forgive!
Reconcile: to reconcile, it takes two people! To forgive, no.
To expect the other person to ask for forgiveness: this is a personal act, to free oneself.
Forgiveness, a Band-Aid for our heart:
Forgiveness is care for our heart because, making the choice to forgive, is making the choice to heal our heart.
We have all experienced events that have hurt us, whether in childhood, adolescence, adulthood… And in our hearts, some of these wounds are still raw. It is enough for us to think of this person or to remember this date to feel overwhelmed by sadness, anger…
The process of forgiveness will help us to clean, to wash these wounds and especially to heal them. So of course, the scar will always be “visible” on our heart but it will become painless, it will not impact us anymore. We can even look at it with tenderness.
The act of forgiving is therefore a liberating movement for us!
Sometimes we think we are indifferent. We really feel like we haven’t been impacted by something, but it’s actually a delusion. But we have simply disconnected ourselves, we have chosen – unconsciously, of course – to cut the mental/heart connection, to cut the pain. So yes, I cut off the people with whom I have had bad experiences, but in doing so, I also cut off what I could experience with the people I love. Because a healed heart is a heart capable of loving fully. That’s why forgiveness is a gift to yourself, but also to others.
Our biggest obstacle is our mind! Indeed, it is the one that comes in the background whispering in our ear: “After what he/she did to me, there is no way I will forgive!”.
But in fact, behind that question is the real question, “After what I’ve been through, will I be able to love again?”
Another underlying question is, “What is right for me to do in relation to the other?” And again, “Am I able to heal my heart?”.
And the answer is YES! But you have to give yourself time, which is why for the last while I’ve been talking about a process that, like any process, takes some time.
When to forgive?
Or rather, when to ask for forgiveness? Because we learn to ask for forgiveness more than to forgive.
And the answer is all the time, every day, very regularly! Since asking for forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, let’s do it daily. It is even more important because our physical body can be impacted if we do not forgive! Indeed, there can be somatization. Like the dirt on our bodies, we accumulate “emotional dirt” all the time. Daily forgiveness will therefore be the equivalent of a shower for our heart.
Moreover, allowing us to overcome our traumas, increases our self-esteem. When I tell you that this is a fabulous process! So now that you understand that it is above all for you that you do it: Ready, set, forgive!