I’ll Be Honest Straight Away: I Don’t Think It’s Possible To Have A Love Relationship Without A Headache.
In Fact, I Don’t Even Think It’s Realistic To Expect To Have Such A Relationship. Why Not?
Simply Because A Love Relationship Is An Emotional Bond Between Two Very Different People
.Each Partner Has His Or Her Own Personality, Desires And Dreams. Indeed, The Two Partners Who Form A Couple Have Had A Different Childhood, A Particular Education And A Unique Life Experience.
So It Is Quite Normal For There To Be Conflicts Within The Couple. After All, It Is Not Always Easy To Bring Two Different Points Of View Or Two Distinct Characters Together.
On The Other Hand, You Know What Is Much More Important Than A Relationship Without The Headache? A Loving Relationship Where Both Partners Know How To Manage Their Conflicts Maturely And Effectively.
Running away from problems is not the solution to having a relationship without a headache.
Today, everything is going very fast! Life, work and daily obligations are piling up at high speed.
Moreover, thanks to the development of social networks and dating sites, it is very easy to find a new partner. It is also very easy to find someone to spend only one night with.
With just one click, the person you like can be at your fingertips. And that’s where our problem lies.
We no longer know how to be patient. We want everything to happen quickly because we have become obsessed with efficiency.
And, in our head, this efficiency is linked to the absence of problems. In short, we are looking for a perfect love relationship that makes us happy and gives us pleasure.
But, above all, we want to be in a relationship without a headache. Yet even if being in a couple means finding someone with whom you have a special affinity and with whom you can get along, this does not exclude conflict.
In a couple, you share many things: interests, values, complicity, respect and above all love.
But just because you manage to create a positive bond with a person does not mean that you think the same way or share the same ideas about everything.
And when opinions differ, conflicts arise. And that’s perfectly normal!
Finally, instead of chasing after the idea of a relationship without headache, shouldn’t we learn to resolve conflicts together?
Wouldn’t it be more constructive and healthy to know how to communicate and respect your partner rather than idealising him or her or keeping quiet when you disagree?
How to learn how to manage conflicts within a love relationship?
Arguing with your partner or having disagreements does not mean that your relationship is in danger. Nor does it mean that you are not right for each other.
It just means that when there is conflict, it means that the couple needs to grow and mature. In itself, conflict is not bad (or good) and neither is anger.
In fact, conflict is a necessary part of any relationship and can help a relationship move out of a state of stagnation. It is healthy when it helps people see their own strengths and weaknesses and all couples experience conflict at some point.
This is why I don’t believe there is a relationship without headache. Honestly, if you don’t have a headache, do you really care about each other?
But conflict is unhealthy when it comes to the state that prevails, defining the relationship with chaotic, noisy and tense energy. A basis of peace is necessary for any relationship to flourish and last.
So instead of chasing the illusion of a relationship without a headache, learn how to manage your conflicts with the following 10 tips.
1. Be direct and honest
It’s important to really express what you feel, especially don’t tell yourself (if I tell him that he might take it the wrong way) or make other excuses to avoid letting you off the hook. These indirect ways of expressing anger are not constructive because they do not give the person who is the target of the behaviour a clear idea of how they should react. As the truth is told, it hurts but does not kill. Set yourself free . Discussion is one of the keys to a successful relationship.
2. Avoid words like "always" or "never".
When addressing a problem, you should avoid making generalisations about your partner. Statements such as “you never help out at home” or “you always look at your mobile phone” may put your partner on the defensive.
Rather than provoking a discussion about how your partner could be more helpful or attentive/attentive, this strategy may lead him/her to generate counter-examples of all the times he/she has, in fact, been helpful or attentive/attentive.
Again, you do not want to put your partner on the defensive. Finally, avoiding unnecessary attacks is a good way to move towards the relationship without getting in over your head.
3-Listen to your partner.
As I said earlier, communication is one of the keys to a successful couple or relationship. It can be very frustrating to feel that your partner is not paying attention to you. When you interrupt him/her or assume that you know what he/she is thinking, you do not give him/her the opportunity to express him/herself.
Even if you are sure you know what he/she is going to say, you may be wrong and your partner will always feel that you are not listening to him/her. And this is completely contrary to what you hoped for in a no-nonsense relationship.
You can show your partner that you are attentive/attentive by using active listening techniques. When your partner speaks, paraphrase what he/she is saying. This will help you avoid misunderstandings before they start.
4-Take a different point of view.
Research has shown that taking a more objective view can also be helpful. Indeed, the easiest way to get closer to the idea of a no-nonsense relationship is to accept that your point of view is not the only valid one.
In addition to listening to your partner, you need to accept their point of view and try to understand where they come from. Those who can adopt their partner’s point of view are less likely to become angry during a discussion about conflict.
5-do not show contempt for your partner.
Of all the negative things you can do and say during a conflict, the worst can be contempt. Scornful remarks are those that demean your partner.
They can be sarcasm and insults. It can also be non-verbal behaviour, such as rolling your eyes or smiling. This type of behaviour is extremely disrespectful and implies that you are disgusted by your partner.
Contempt also makes it impossible to have a real discussion and may cause your partner to become angry, rather than trying to solve the problem.
6-Do not automatically object to your partner's complaints.
When you are criticised, it is difficult not to be on the defensive. But being defensive doesn’t solve problems. Imagine a couple fighting because the wife wants her husband to do more household chores.
When she suggests that he does a quick clean up after he gets ready to leave in the morning, he says, “Yes, it would help, but I really don’t have time in the morning”.
This “yes but” behaviour suggests that his ideas and opinions are not valid. Another destructive and defensive behaviour is that of cross-complaining, when you respond to your partner’s complaint with one of your own. For example, responding to “You don’t clean the house enough” with “You’re a neat freak”.
7- Learn to take a break when it becomes necessary.
If you see yourself falling into negative patterns and you or your partner are not following the advice above, consider taking a break from your argument. Even a short pause for a few deep breaths can be enough to calm burning spirits.
Indeed, sometimes a no-holds-barred relationship is simply one where both partners are able to tell when the conflict has gone too far.
Thus, to manage conflict well, it is essential to take a step back and control one’s anger. Expressing your grievances can be productive for your relationship, but conflicts must be skillfully managed or you risk making them worse.
8-Not all conflicts are worth fighting, so choose your battles!
If you want to have a constructive discussion, you need to stick to one question at a time. Unhappy couples are likely to bring several topics into a single discussion.
Imagine that you want to think about how to incorporate more exercise into your daily routine. You probably wouldn’t decide that this would also be a good time to think about how to save more for retirement.
You would try to solve these problems one by one. It seems obvious, but in the heat of the moment, a dispute over a topic can turn into a complaints session, with both partners exchanging grievances. The more complaints you file, the less likely it is that they will be discussed and resolved.
9- Don't be overwhelmed by negativity.
It can be difficult not to react to a partner’s bad behaviour with even worse behaviour. But giving in to this urge will only aggravate the conflict.
Some people tend to exchange insults and derogatory comments to get their point across. But as the conflict continues, the negativity intensifies. Moreover, when does negativity take precedence over positivity?
According to some studies, the ratio should be 5:1, i.e. there should be one negative behaviour for every 5 positive behaviours. And no more! This is how you can move towards a relationship without headache (or with less conflict).
10-Talk about how you feel without blaming your partner.
Statements that directly attack your partner’s character can be particularly damaging to a relationship. If a man who is frustrated by his girlfriend’s jealousy, for example, says “You’re totally irrational,” he is inviting her to become defensive, which can end any further conversation.
A more constructive strategy is to use “ego statements” and combine them with “behavioural descriptions”. Ego statements focus on how you feel, without blaming your partner, and behavioural descriptions focus on a specific behaviour of your partner, rather than a character flaw.
For example, the man might say, “I get angry when you pretend to flirt with someone during an innocent conversation.
These tactics are simple but do not challenge your partner’s character.
We have come to the end of our article, I hope you liked it and that it will help you; Thank you also for taking the trouble to read my article until the end. Kisses
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