I can't forget him, why? Should I recontact him or draw a definitive line on our history?
These are questions that many women ask themselves. Indeed, when the time comes to break up, emotions are contradictory. You don’t know what to think about it.
Clearly, if the love relationship didn’t work, there is a reason. Sometimes that reason is crystal clear. Other times, not so much!
Yes, blinded by love, it can be hard to understand why our relationship is so miserably destroyed. Yet, the reasons are always there.
They are even in plain sight, but we choose to ignore them. And in this whimsical disillusionment we wonder what happened and why we can’t forget someone we loved.
Why can't we forget someone we loved? Simply because there are many memories that unite us.
Without making generalities, I think we can still say that women invest more than men in their love relationship. That’s why women suffer more when the relationship comes to an end.
In reality, what makes us suffer is not so much the separation. Certainly, we have to get used to a new life without the person we used to have by our side.
In the morning, when we get up, we drink coffee alone. In the evening, we go to bed alone in a cold bed with no one at our side to watch movies or series.
So, silence and calm set in and it can be difficult to manage. Especially when you’re still in love with your ex and you’re struggling to heal your emotional wounds.
Yet what hurts the most are the memories.
Indeed, when you sometimes dream about your ex or have fears related to his absence, it is because a vivid memory haunts you.
This memory can be positive or negative, filled with joy or sadness. But when you are in the healing phase of a breakup, this memory is usually positive.
For example, you may remember a romantic weekend in the country, or walking past a grocery store and remembering the cake he gave you for your birthday.
So forgetting someone you loved becomes extremely difficult. In fact, it even becomes a painful experience.
When you are overwhelmed by positive memories, you lose sight of why you broke up. For example, you may forget that your partner was never there for you, that he was emotionally abusive, or even that he was unfaithful.
In short, in your mind, the pain turns all the positive experiences you had together into a treasure trove and stores all the bad memories in a part of your brain that you no longer have access to.
That’s why you can’t forget someone you loved.
You then think that forgetting him is impossible. However, this feeling has nothing to do with him.
One memory leads to another, which leads to another. And before you know it, your ex is all you can think about.
No matter how much time has passed, the memories are still there, sabotaging your happiness and self-esteem. Forgetting it then becomes mission impossible.
Thoughts about him invade every nook and cranny of your mental health and you have the impression that he is all you’ll ever think about.
But it’s really not about him! And that’s when things get interesting. You mourn this break-up for the first few weeks or months.
Of course! After all, we really loved this man and this loss hurts us very much! But after a few months, you got over it. The hauntings you have now are not about him. They concern you!
Why can’t we forget someone who hurt us? Simply because, by losing them, we have also lost ourselves.
You see, when we’re in a relationship, we align our routines, our hopes and dreams in our nervous system. Like a spider weaving a silk web!
We spin one dream around another and throw a lifeline around a routine that gives us hope that more of our dreams will come true with our man.
Now that he's gone, what you really miss are your dreams.
Losing a man is painful, but losing your own dreams that revolved around that man and that relationship is devastating. So much so that making the decision to forget about your ex can become synonymous with giving up on your dreams.
But there is no point in making a list of everything you’ve lost. If you start listing all the things that are making it hard for you to break up and all the things you need to change or adjust because of it, you’re going to end up depressed.
So, during your recovery, you should not only try to forget your ex, you should also find new dreams and goals.
It is by staying positive and looking forward that you will finally be able to forget your ex and build a new, brighter future.
Make a firm decision: run after your ex or forget about her completely?
For some people, thinking about their ex means that the feelings that once bound them together have not disappeared.
For others, forgetting about their ex is impossible simply because they are not ready to enter into a new love relationship.
In love, it is important not to have regrets, and the fact that you have separated once or more times in the past does not necessarily mean that it is over between you.
If your problems were not insurmountable, you might be able to reconcile. After all, you may be right for each other.
So it’s not a matter of putting your history aside too quickly and forgetting about your ex. It’s about taking the time to ask yourself the right questions to find out if regaining love is really what you want and, more importantly, how to go about it.
In order to live a love story to the fullest and to know its full potential, you must also know how to give it a second chance and not focus only on the problems.
Thus, rather than saying “I can’t get over him”, it is sometimes better to focus on how to find him or her to create new memories and not get stuck in the past.
That said, if you have made a firm decision to move forward, then you have chosen to do what you can to forget your ex. And honestly, I congratulate you for that.
Forget my ex! It is decided...
You have suffered this break-up, your pride prevents you from coming back, you don’t want to go through the same problems again, and it is perfectly normal to want to experience something new.
Having said that, did you find your sweetheart by spending your days on the couch? No, you didn’t! Well, the process of really forgetting him or her isn’t there either.
You need to take concrete actions to regain a taste for life and rebuild a social circle so that you don’t spend your time thinking about your ex.
It is by spending time with your loved ones, by living new experiences that you will be able to move forward and no longer suffer the end of this love story. Forgetting it will not be easy but it will be cathartic!
Because it’s not so much thinking about your ex that is difficult. No, it is to accept the suffering linked to the separation.
By putting in place the right techniques and focusing on your personal development, you will maximize your chances of no longer suffering from that heartache that plagues you every day!
Finding the moral strength to move forward after a separation is not given to everyone, that’s why we can’t forget a person even if he or she has made us suffer.
"I can't get him out of my mind..." then you need a plan
On the one hand, I feel like saying that there is nothing simpler than forgetting a man. Indeed, there are 5 steps that you must follow. And if you respect each advice, you will succeed in forgetting the man who made you suffer.
But, in practice, we all know that it is not that simple. When heart and mind are not on the same wavelength, it can happen that your desire to forget your ex gets lost in the whirlwind of emotions.
However, I assure you that if you really have the will to move on, you will overcome this difficult ordeal.
Follow these 5 tips and you will succeed in forgetting your ex.
1. Take your time
Patience is your best ally. Give yourself time to heal. Even if you follow all of our advice to the letter, changes will not happen overnight.
There will certainly be ups and downs, moments of depression and days of euphoria. But each day that passes will lead you further towards permanent healing.
The most important thing is not to give up. If you want to forget about your ex, you must fight and stay strong until your goal is achieved.
In addition, you should not compare your healing process to someone else’s process. Every person is unique and every love story is different.
So don’t be fooled by how others have survived this painful time. Sometimes it’s just a facade.
You have to be patient, but not only… You have to be lucid. Some people lie about their healing process.
They don’t do it out of spite but because they are trying to protect themselves or to cover their face. No one can forget their ex in a week. No one!
2. Cut the links
Before you even begin the personal work to forget about your ex, you need to go through the most important step: cut ALL links.
Delete him/her from your contact list and stop following his/her every move on social networks. The less contact you have with each other, the more likely you are to forget that person easily.
The radio silence period is a very important part of the process of forgetting your ex because it allows you to step back and put things into perspective.
But what does this method consist of? It’s simply about not having any contact with your ex anymore!
You have to delete his number, block him on all social networks and avoid frequenting your usual places (the workplace, your sports club, your favorite bars or nightclubs, etc.).
The idea is to give you both time to get over the breakup. This period, although temporary, should allow you to return to a normal rhythm of life and heal your injuries.
You will gradually be able to forget about your ex and turn the page and make a fresh start. In fact, it is simply a matter of reflecting and taking some distance to find a minimum of objectivity.
It’s also a way to come back to the dysfunctions of the couple and the causes of its failure.
3. Emotionally rebuilding
Loving someone as much as you can’t forget them has, at least, taught you something. It shows how vulnerable you are and how much you need to rebuild yourself emotionally.
And there’s actually a good way to do it: give your affection to the things or people that matter. For example, by focusing on your passions or spending more time with your friends or family.
You can also devote yourself to charitable activities or adopt a dog/cat and then cuddle it as much as you like.
In short, express your love in another way. This will allow you to rebalance your feelings and your ability to love.
This progressive construction will make it easier for you to forget the man who hurt you. Indeed, we are often exclusive when it is difficult to forget a past love.
But when you learn to love other people in a friendly or family way, this exclusivity diminishes and allows you to love less obsessively.
Find new places to go out and meet new people to enrich your activities and broaden your points of view.
Meeting new people will be very beneficial and you will feel good immediately, it may even allow you to meet someone else with the potential for a new love story.
4. Finding an alternative to keep the mind busy
You may not know it, but you are able to control your mind and make it see things differently. Why can’t you forget someone you loved?
Because our mind has decided so! It tells us its law. But you can and must reverse this process. Learn to focus your attention on other things.
Concretely, stop looking nostalgically at pictures of a bygone past. Make the effort to push your thoughts elsewhere when they begin to move toward the person you loved.
Stop watching the series you used to watch with your loved one. Don’t regularly visit those places that remind you of your past love.
In short, make your mind go less and less toward that loved one. Little by little, you will find that it is possible to forget him or her.
5. Going out to meet new people
After a (sudden or early) break-up, there is no question of remaining locked in your home! Come out of your bubble and open yourself to the outside world. You will certainly meet new people and you may even find love.
Don’t rule out any possibilities because your heart is wounded and your mind is haunted by the image of your ex. If your best friend asks you out for the weekend, don’t refuse.
Even if you feel depressed and tired, it’s the best way to take your mind off things.
And if you really can’t go out with your friends, invite them to your home. Surround yourself with people you trust who will listen and support you.
You’ll be able to explain your concerns sincerely. Never overlook the importance and value of someone who is a good listener and can comfort and reassure.
What is certain is that you should not close yourself off and hope that this will pass with time.