Before We Begin, I Would Like To Welcome You, Happy New Year. The Year 2020 Has Been Difficult For Everyone.
Honestly, Anyone Who Has Kept Their Sanity During These Crazy Times Is A Superstar.
For my part, I had a hard time staying cool and relaxed. Why was that? Simply because, in addition to being confined and scared, I spent 2020 with extremely toxic people.
My partner was a hidden narcissist whose true nature I discovered during confinement.
In short, you can say that I really didn’t have it easy during those 12 months. If I use the past tense in my sentences, it is because I managed to regain the upper hand.
I broke up with my partner. I told my fake friends to fuck off and I made new resolutions. These resolutions have nothing to do with the ones you make at the end of the year and forget the next day.
No, in 2021, I decided to change my behaviour never again in my life. I want to be happy. I want to have a healthy and prosperous environment. So here are the 10 behaviours I decided to adopt.
In fact, if you want to be fulfilled, independent and surrounded by good people, I advise you to follow my example and embrace these 10 habits with open arms in 2021. Are you still here with me? Okay, let’s continue.
1-Let toxic people go
When I told him I was going to leave he laughed because he didn’t think I could do it. I’ll be honest with you, getting out of a toxic relationship is not easy. But one thing is for sure: you MUST get out of your toxic relationship.
For three simple reasons:
1. Because the passage of time will not make things better. We must therefore act as quickly as possible!
2. You will almost NEVER be able to change the toxic person in front of you.
3. Because you are responsible for your own happiness. You have to meet your own needs yourself – and get out of this relationship of “dependency” that leads nowhere.
Here’s how to get out of a toxic relationship for good
- Start by moving away from the toxic person for a while. Disengage from the relationship. Ideally, you should break off the relationship with a toxic person. Cutting off contact will allow you to stop feeling emotion or resentment.
- Use this time to find yourself again. Find yourself again and develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Lose the power that the toxic person has over you. Show them that you are fulfilled and that you lead a happy life.
Make the person with a substance abuse problem face reality. For example, if the person criticizes or judges you, don’t justify yourself, but rather destabilize them by asking what allows them to judge you:
“Who are you that you can afford to…”
It is above all a question of helping the person who is hurting us to become aware of his or her behaviour. Question him or her skilfully and without accusing, to show him or her how absurd his or her attitude is.
- Understand that success is the best revenge. Use criticism from toxic people as a force for success.
- If you have been isolated from those close to you, reconnect with them as soon as possible. They are all the people who wish you well.
2-Not listening to the opinions of others
The way others look at us influences us and this sometimes negatively impacts our behaviour and emotions. The way others look at us can block us and prevent us from acting. Some people take the liberty of criticising what we do and this affects us.
HOW TO DEAL WITH CRITICISM?
- DO NOT CONFUSE THE JUDGMENT OF OTHERS WITH OUR OWN
Interpreting the gaze of others means giving them the same quality of judgement as we do. This means that we extend our system of values and evaluation of right and wrong to others. We are wrong to do this because everyone has their own value system. If, for example, for you, it is a sign of weakness to show your emotions, perhaps it is quite different for your neighbour?
- YOU WILL BE JUDGED TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU JUDGE OTHERS
The more we tend to judge others, the more we feel the weight of their eyes and their thoughts. We apprehend their judgement for fear that it will be like ours. We should therefore judge less so as not to feel this heavy mirror effect.
- ACCEPTING NOT TO PLEASE EVERYONE
Even if others judge us negatively, what is the real situation? This becomes important when you think you can please everyone. It is even worse when you think you should please everyone. But this is not the case. We have to accept that we do not meet everyone’s expectations. Let’s distance ourselves from our ego.
- ACCEPTING YOURSELF IS BEING ACCEPTED
Haven’t you noticed that the way we perceive ourselves is communicative and transmitted to others? If you think you’re bad and keep putting yourself down, or if you cultivate complexes and focus on your faults, others will tend to validate this image. On the other hand, accepting yourself as you have the opposite effect. It encourages the other person to accept us as we are too, with our qualities and faults. Self-confidence is essential for self-fulfilment.
- FOCUSING ON THE WAY OTHERS LOOK AT YOU MEANS IGNORING THEM.
In fact, when we allow ourselves to interpret the gaze of others without their approval, it is as if we were denying their capacity to judge and perceive. These people think for themselves and not by us. By giving too much importance to our assumptions, we forget to take into consideration the true intention of the other. This can be problematic for the management of our relationships!
- CRITICS ARE YOUR ALLIES
People who criticise you should not demotivate you or take away your energy. On the contrary, they should serve as a source of motivation. Doing what you are doing successfully is the best way to respond to them. This is the Aikido technique, use your opponent’s energy wisely and persevere in your actions.
- DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF
In life, one should not compare oneself to others. If there is one person you should compare yourself to, it is yourself. In this way, responding to critics is like comparing yourself to them. Remember, those who criticise do nothing! They are passive and insecure. Let’s help them by showing them that they are wrong!
In conclusion, Don’t worry about what society thinks or expects of you. You can’t make everyone happy, so it’s a waste of time and will only slow you down in your mission: to become the best possible version of yourself.
3-Accept the idea that you are going to make mistakes
We have been told from a very young age that “nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes”. But the older we get, the more pressure we feel to never fail.
Just relax a little! Make mistakes so that you can learn from them and grow. Embrace your past. You are constantly changing and evolving from what you were in the past to what you are today and what you will be one day.
So forget that voice in your head telling you that you have to be perfect. Make mistakes – lots of them! The lessons you learn from them will be invaluable.
4-. Accepting your emotions and feeling them deeply
Allow yourself to feel things to the fullest. Deal with your pain, savour your joy and don’t limit your feelings.
Why should you do this? Simply because fear, pain and joy are emotions that will help you to better understand who you are. And because of them, you’ll know that your feelings don’t define you.
5- Taking back control of your fears
Fear sometimes takes over and paralyses us. But there are techniques recommended by shrinks to regain control and overcome one’s anguish in order to move forward. Being afraid from time to time is completely normal. But there are certain things that can simply paralyse us. This is called a phobia.
Don’t reject your fears – understand them. This healthy exercise can really help you improve your mental health.
Questioning and assessing your fears helps you see more clearly and uncover the problems in your life that are causing you anxiety. This, in turn, can help to alleviate some – if not all – of your anxiety.
6-Being your own priority
Becoming your own priority does not mean being your ONLY priority: many people and things are important in your lives: your children (if you have any), your parents, your business or work. However, if you don’t know how to say no when you want or need it, you will be unhappy in the long run.
Being your own priority means being able to take time for yourself when you want and especially when you need it. How can you feel other areas of your life if you don’t take care of yourself physically and especially mentally? You will only give a small part of yourself every time.
Learn how to say no
Your colleague wants to go for a drink after work when you are tired or just don’t feel like it? Say NO.
Your child wants to buy yet another little toy that he or she won’t use? Say NO.
Your friend asks you for money when you know it will mess up your finances this month? Say NO.
You get the message. Saying yes all the time doesn’t make you a nice person, but it does make you a person you can walk all the time. Saying no every once in a while doesn’t make you selfish or mean, but it does make you responsible for yourself and your well-being. If you’re reading this article, it’s probably because this situation is making your life a bit difficult.
Do you know yourself well enough to know your limits? If you don’t know your limits, just ask yourself what you like and what you don’t like. When you are offered or asked for something, ask yourself if you really LOVE it. No? Then you have the answer
Personally, to make sure that my friends and family didn’t take it the wrong way, I simply took the time to clearly explain to them what my limits were, what my priorities were and what activities I was not at all interested in.
For example, I am not ashamed to tell my friends that I don’t particularly like going to clubs, but on the other hand, I love quiet evenings with my friends in front of a movie and a pizza where we can tell each other about our lives and discuss interesting topics. They now know that my priority, at the moment, is my career, the development of my skills and my well-being (8.5 hours of sleep, spending time alone…). I have nothing against them, I’m at a turning point in my life where I need to move fast to live on my own terms. Now, it’s a real time-saver for everyone to know this and I don’t get any more clubbing proposals!
Your time is worth as much as anyone else’s. Your responsibilities are worth as much as those of others. And your desires are worth as much as those of others. Know how to say no when you don’t want to and take it on with your head held high.
Your friend wants to go clubbing tomorrow night after you’ve had a long week and you’d rather relax and get a good night’s sleep? Explain your situation to her. If she insists, make sure she understands that you decide what you do with your time.
7- Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparing oneself to others is something that everyone does and which unfortunately has nothing beneficial to offer. It is clearly the best way to feel frustrated and to have a negative opinion of oneself. It is important to keep in mind that we can love someone and admire them but that envying them will not do us any good.
Admiring a person lifts us, pushes us to be the best version of ourselves. Inspires us. Instead of thinking “Why not me?” we have to keep in mind that everything depends on us. Of course, everyone has a different life, but the only person who can change your life is you! Keep that in mind as well as these 10 ways to stop comparing yourself to others 🙂
10 WAYS TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
1. FOCUS ON YOUR SUCCESSES
I have been doing it for some time now and I can tell you that it has a great positive influence on my way of thinking. On how I feel and what I think about myself. It’s something you have to learn to do because it’s very important. Keep in mind what you’ve already accomplished and all the goals, big and small, that you’ve reached.
2-YOU HAVE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
It’s something I recommend every time but it’s essential. You need to surround yourself with people who will lift you and encourage you in what you are doing. Being with the wrong people will only pull you down and depress you.
3. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THE POSITIVE SIDE OF SOCIAL NETWORKS
Instead of drooling over a person’s life or dressing room, follow accounts that will inspire you. Travel accounts if you want to travel, more local accounts if, for example, you are looking for beautiful places to capture near your home. Healthy food accounts if you need meal ideas… Got the trick? Once again you get inspired, you don’t envy.
4. YOU SHOULDN’T COMPARE YOURSELF BUT GET INSPIRED
This is the problem of knowing the difference between admiration and envy. Jealousy will never get you anywhere. Admiring them and being inspired by their journey will allow you to surpass yourself and be proud of yourself.
5. DON’T FORGET THAT EACH PERSON IS UNIQUE
There are no two like you! Get rid of any negative thoughts and low self-esteem you have about yourself. You are you, you have your history, your experiences and your plans. Your plans may not be unique, but your personality is. It is your personality that will make you stand out.
6. YOU HAVE TO SEE YOUR QUALITIES FIRST AND FOREMOST
We are human, we all have faults and we all make mistakes. That’s no reason to focus on them. By concentrating on your qualities and strengths, you will be able to develop them. Make them grow and elevate yourself at the same time. We all have areas where we are stronger than others, so we might as well make it a priority.
7. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT YOURSELF
This ties in with what was said earlier about being unique. Accept yourself as you are, all of you and your baggage. That you are that person. And that there are things you can’t do, or that you can’t change. This is no reason to have a bad image of yourself.
8. THE SEARCH FOR PERFECTION MUST BE FORGOTTEN
It doesn’t exist. Nice discovery, eh? By setting yourself objectives that are not achievable you will never be able to satisfy yourself.
9. POSITIVISM AND GRATITUDE MUST BE PRACTISED.
I really like the Youtube and Business Girl Mimi Ikonn and every morning she writes down in her little notebook little things she is grateful for. It’s a good exercise that everyone should do. Because it makes you appreciate the little things in life more.
10. YOU HAVE TO LEARN FROM OTHERS
Do some people succeed? Well, so much the better. They will be able to share their experiences with you to achieve success and it is thanks to them that you will learn more.
You don’t hide behind “yes, but it’s easier said than done” because if you reason like that you will never move forward. Always try to see the positive and remember who you are.
8- Your appearance is not your best quality: here's your new mantra
So many things in the world can distract you from this powerful truth. Sometimes even your own internalized sexism can make you believe the opposite. Yet you are valuable because you are yourself and not because of your body.
So wear what you want to wear. Whether it’s a lot or a little, wear what makes you feel confident, comfortable and happy.
9-Be bold in public
Daring allows you to take charge of your life and add spice and richness to it.
Being bold is a matter of temperament, but not only. For some people, it comes naturally, because they have the confidence to dare to take the plunge, and because boldness is part of their way of looking at life. But even the timidest can inject boldness into their actions.
To be bold, two things are essential: intention and action.
The intention is the driving force behind bold ideas and innovative solutions. It is the mindset that drives us to challenge the status quo.
Secondly, boldness is always part of activating that intention, i.e. action.
If I have the gift of finding new solutions but never dare to implement them, that does not make me a daring person.
Get into the habit of saying what you think. Daring is like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the more it grows. Don’t wait for permission to speak or do something.
Join the conversation. Share your thoughts. Take action and know that your voice is just as important as others’.
10-Seize every opportunity
The timing will never be perfect for the next big step in your life. The current situation may not be ideal, but that shouldn’t stop you from achieving your goals and dreams.
Instead, seize the moment because it may never come back. Say “Yes” to whatever you want.
Here we are at the end of our article, I hope you enjoyed it and I hope it will help you. Thank you also for taking the trouble to read it through to the end. Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter. Kisses