I’m sure you’ve caught yourself thinking that one of your friends is in an abusive, toxic relationship. Yes, you know when she tells you about how her partner reacts when she disagrees with him?
Or how he tries to control what she can and cannot wear? In these cases, it’s easy to clearly define the relationship as abusive.
However, when it is you who finds yourself in this kind of case, it is much more difficult to come to the same conclusion.
Indeed, blinded by the feelings you have for your partner, you do not see that his behavior is toxic, aggressive or even violent.
You make excuses for him, “He had a hard day at work”. And you justify his behavior to your loved ones, “Don’t blame him! He’s just uncomfortable around people he doesn’t know. So he tends to be aggressive.
Do you know what I mean?
Your partner belittles you but it’s okay… He lies to you but he probably has a good reason… Your partner makes you cry, orders you around or cheats on you but it’s probably because you did something that provoked him…
Is it clearer now?
So, do you want to know for sure? Is your partner abusive? Here are the 14 signs that prove beyond doubt that he or she is!
1. Your communication is extremely difficult
When you talk to your man, you feel silly, embarrassed and awkward. That’s why you never talk about serious or important topics.
So, your conversation is always superficial because you know that if you dare to bring up a sensitive subject, arguments and insults will fly.
2. You think you are always wrong.
If you mention something that worries you in your relationship, he tells you that you are imagining things. You feel terrible but he keeps telling you that you just have to trust him and everything will be fine.
Well, when you listen to yourself, you always make mistakes. In short, it’s all your fault so it’s best to let him take the lead.
The problem? You get more and more anxious, the problems pile up and his hold on you grows.
3. In your subconscious, you know that your partner is lying to you.
Nothing makes sense! When he tells you something, you get a knot in your stomach. Your instincts are doing everything they can to alert you, but nothing is working.
Your partner’s grip is so strong that you can’t even think for yourself. You’ve caught him in a lie before, but he always has a good excuse.
4. You are convinced that your partner doesn't care at all about what matters to you.
He doesn’t support you! Anything you care about either annoys him or doesn’t interest him at all. So, over time, you’ve learned to keep your desires or passions quiet because you want to spend as much time with him as possible.
By the way, this also relates to empathy or compassion. Indeed, when you are sad or hurt by something, he laughs at you saying that you are too sensitive.
5. You are constantly confused.
Clearly, your idea of a perfect relationship has changed since you started dating. Now you accept behaviors that would have seemed completely aberrant before.
Your idea of what’s right and what’s wrong is different and you know it. This change leaves you feeling doubtful. My question is, when will his behavior finally be toxic enough for you to start trusting your instincts?
6. Discomfort is constantly present.
When you have a question to ask, you weigh your words. When you have a problem to address, you prepare yourself mentally, days in advance.
Yes, you know you’re going to get either a flurry of insults or a heavy silence. There is never an in-between. Emotions and feelings are messages that come from our bodies and minds.
The meaning we give them leads us to safety or trouble.
7. You have no idea where you stand.
Your personal life requires you to juggle many obligations: your work, your family, your health, your friends and your relationship. In short, you have to be on all fronts.
But it’s hard to focus on your work, for example, when you’re in a relationship with someone who’s playing mind games with you.
You are constantly anxious and stressed, but you hope that no one will notice. You hope that no one will notice and that it won’t cause a chain reaction and destroy all aspects of your life.
8. Your love relationship doesn't seem to be solid at all.
Whatever promise he made to you, you know he won’t keep it. He said he would be home by 11:00 p.m. and at midnight you are still waiting for him.
Everything is shaky and you can’t count on him. You have the impression that he is only partially present in your love relationship and that he leads another life on the side.
9. The relationship is one-way.
You give it your all. You give again and again. But you never get anything in return. His birthday is important but yours is not.
His wants and needs must be met while yours are not a priority at all. In short, you feel like you are alone in this relationship.
And you know what? It’s not just a feeling!
10. You feel like you don't really know your partner.
You thought you knew everything about your man and his life but you realize that you don’t. For example, you learn that he was fired from his job but didn’t tell you.
Or that he went to his family’s house for the weekend when you thought his parents had passed away. These are little things that add up and create uncertainty.
When he leaves your house, where does he go? Hmm…
11. You feel excluded from his life.
Your man is stingy with compliments and even words when it comes to you. Yet he spends his time on his phone talking and laughing with girls, who are just “friends” of course.
But you feel that something is wrong. Your man has secrets and you know it but you don’t dare to talk about it. You lack courage because he has destroyed your self-esteem.
12. You feel that everyone is against you.
You are the victim of his evil plan. When you’re having a romantic evening, one of his friends conveniently calls him to help solve a problem.
When you argue, he tries to get your family and friends on his side to convince you that you are the problem. In short, he always turns the tables on you and you feel like you’re alone in the world.
13. You feel like you couldn't live without him.
Both figuratively and literally, you seriously believe that you wouldn’t survive without your man. Panic and anxiety seize you at the mere thought that he might leave you.
It’s a bit dramatic and you are aware of it. However, this fear is stronger than you! Why is it so? Simply because he has manipulated you into believing that he is indispensable to you.
14. Your relatives no longer recognise you
Your friends and family think you have changed. Your values, your actions, your personality, have changed during this relationship. This can be a good thing or a bad thing.
15. Your relationship is like a rollercoaster
You are unable to find a good balance in your relationship. Either everything is going badly or everything is going very well, to the point of being fused. Even though all couples go through difficult periods and big arguments, this does not have to be constant.